July 28, 2020

So I got dressed today.  It's 3:30, and I put my shorts and top on about 30 minutes ago.  Granted, I was making masks all day, but it has still been that kind of day.  Hell, it's been that kind of week, of month, of summer.

It's July 28.  In my original COVID-19 plan, we were supposed to be in Florida with the kids and their significant others this week.  Then Claire flipped out about getting sick and quarantining and said she wouldn't go and got really upset at the thought of us going without her, so we didn't go.  I haven't gone anywhere.  No shows.  No concerts. No parks.  No restaurants. No cookouts.  Nothing.

I feel like I'm stuck.  The summer has been wasted.  I've wasted the summer.  I've made so many masks.  I'm sick of making masks.  Sick. Of. It.  I hate masks.  They bring in some nice pocket change.  Hell, I've made about $5,000 on masks since March.  $5,000.  On masks.  Who would have ever conceived this?

What have I done with this beautiful time?  Nothing!  I've done nothing.  And now, there are 2 weeks until Emily leaves for college and it's too late to do anything.  I am wrecked.

I hate this time of year anyway.

I want to go into my sister's house.  I want to hug Claire and Mitchyl.  I want to have Michael over for dinner.  I want to go to a restaurant.  I want to go to the movies or to a concert or to see Shakespeare in the Park.


July 29

I got sick of typing yesterday.  I'm just so fucking tired of everything.  I want life back to normal, but it's not going back to normal anytime soon.  There's no way we're getting a vaccine anytime soon, and until we have a vaccine, we have this shit.  I know it could be SO MUCH WORSE, but this is just so messed up.  There we were in January and February just going along with life and then mid-March...BOOM!  Life as we knew it just ended.  Everything is changed.  I hate it.  And yet, compared to the Great Depression or wars, this is such a small sacrifice to make.  I think what makes it so hard is that the sacrifice is doing nothing, and we are a restless people.  We don't know how to do nothing, how not to socialize, how not to be with the people we love.

Colleen and I were talking yesterday about what we're going to do for the holidays if things haven't died down.  We can't get together for Thanksgiving or Christmas in somebody's house.  What will we do when it gets too cold to hang out outside?

Every day is the same.  It's like Groundhog Day for real.  I don't know how to get out of the rut I'm in.  I need to go somewhere or do SOMETHING but I don't know where and I don't know what.  I feel like I'm swimming in syrup.