What do you say?

On Wednesday, Kyle got a text from Felix Lukose, Finoy's brother, asking if he could call Kyle later.

The visit on Saturday was exhausting but good. The family arrived about 4:30 and stayed close to an hour. It was the oldest brother, Felix, his cousin, Jince, and the cousin's wife, and Finoy's mom and dad, Dottie and Phillip. We had snacks and drinks, but they had already eaten, so they only wanted water, so after we got that, we settled into the living room to talk.

Kirk and I waited for them to start the conversation because they were the ones wanting to see us, but we were just kind of sitting there, and nobody was talking. Finally I asked how the drive was. Fine. I asked if they had already been to Glenmary Farm, and they said yes, so I led in with, "That must have been very hard..." Thankfully that gave them the permission I guess they needed to start the conversation about it.

I think it was healing for all of us. I heard Kyle tell details that I had not heard before, and his explanation of things helped make peace for the parents and for us. They wanted to know how Kyle met Finoy, what kind of things they did the last couple of days, the details about some tent the boys were trying to build. Dottie wanted to know if they had gone to mass during the first couple of days. The dad wanted to know the kinds of things they talked about.

Kyle shared how he has been inspired by Finoy's life to do more service, how he volunteers burying the indigent and with the service club at school. goes to Friday mass...just tries to be a better person because that's how Finoy was.

They said that they saw at the farm earlier in the day how Glenmary is letting the grass grow over the path and has increased the security around the access road. The volunteers are no longer able to go swim in the creek. They wanted to know about the conditions in the creek the day of the incident and how high the water was both on Sunday and Monday and then on Tuesday.

Then the dad asked if Finoy struggled a long time or just went right under (went under quickly) and if he yelled for help (no). Jince said, "Well how could anyone know he was in trouble if he didn't yell for help?"

Jince said he had gone to the farm the day after Finoy drowned and commented on how brown and dirty the water was. He asked Kyle if it was that way all week. Kyle said yes. Jince said that there was no way anyone could see anything in the water and asked if the rescuers were just feeling for Finoy. Kyle again said yes. He replied, "Maybe if the water had been clear, things would have been different because we could have seen him..."

Kyle shared how he himself had gotten sucked under earlier in the week at a different location but was able to push off the bottom and come up because it wasn't that deep (made ME sick to think of.) He said that is what he thought Finoy would too, do but he didn't realized the spot was 20 feet deep. (We saw Adam Brewer at church last night, and he said the same thing happened to him. We are very lucky that one of our boys didn't drown.)

Felix called later when he got home and said that piece of information really gave them some peace because if Kyle, who is a 6', 180 pound athlete, could get sucked under, how much easier would it have been for the much smaller Finoy to go down.

Felix told Kyle that they all wanted to thank him for what he did to try and help Finoy. He said, "Even though the outcome was not what we all would have wanted, that does not make what you did any less heroic. By going after Finoy, you put yourself at risk, and we want you to know that we are eternally grateful for that."

Then Phillip gave Kyle some of the holy cards from the funeral with Finoy's picture and bible verse on them. He also gave Kyle a newspaper from St. Ignatius that had been dedicated to Finoy and had his friends' reflections in it. Felix gave Kyle a wrist band with "RIP Finoy "Thomman" Lukose" on the outside and "For the greater glory of God" (Finoy's favorite quote) on the inside. We hugged and cried again, and they left about 5:45 or so.

It was a very, very exhausting but powerful experience. I hope it has brought everyone some healing. I think it did. Kyle said he feels better after talking to them. He knows that they know that he tried.

I was so tired after they left that I just didn't talk for about an hour and a half. Now, I can't quit talking about it.