Letting Go

I'm letting Kyle go skiing today without me or Kirk being there. Scary.

There is an annual, unofficial ski trip to Paoli Peaks today. The kids were supposed to be off but had to go to school until 1 for a make-up day from the ice storm. We went last year on this same trip. Loads of people from school are there, and it is really fun. This year, Kirk couldn't take off, and I didn't want to go with all 3 kids alone. By the time we'd get to Paoli, get skis, and get on the slopes, it would be about 3 o'clock. Then we'd only have a couple of hours of daylight, and I didn't want to be there in the dark with the 3 kids, especially the girls. Last year about 5, the teens and snow boarders began showing up and it started to get icy and fast, and I just couldn't do it, so I initially said no to any of us going.

Then all of Kyle's friends were going, and he really wanted to go, so we found a ride with a friend of mine who is taking 4 other boys. She skis and is staying the whole time. I know he will be fine, but it's scary to let him go into a potentially dangerous situation without a parent nearby. I know it's good to trust him and he needs to know that I have confidence in his decision making, but he's my boy and I'm a worry wort!

He will be 13 tomorrow. I can't believe it. This time 13 years ago, Kirk and I were at the beach. It was windy and chilly, and the sand was stinging my legs because it was blowing so hard. The ocean at Sandy Beach Park was rough that day. Kirk went body-surfing, and I sat watching, getting my toes wet because I was so awkward that I didn't trust myself in the water. Early the next morning, we headed to the hospital (for the second time), and Kyle was born 16 hours later. Seems like yesterday...

So I'm letting him go bit by bit. I began to panic last night thinking that next year he will be 14! Thirteen still seems young by comparison. He has one more year of grade school, then it's off to St. X, and he's not mine anymore after that. I think being a mother is the saddest, most joyful job in the world, often at the same time.